It’s been great to be out of hospital. For the main part, I’m feeling back to normal – with a couple of minor irritants. My mental health is much better too. I had heard that this surgery stage was a lot more about mental strength than pain – and I totally agree. I consider myself to be pretty tough when it comes to mental-strength things, but those first few days in hospital really knocked me around. Since leaving hospital, things have gone from strength to strength. I try to get out at least once a day, and if not – I do three little shuffles around the street. Over time the walks will get longer, but they’re good for now.
I think it was just the level of helplessness I felt. I couldn’t use my left arm, could barely move my legs, it was awkward sitting up (because I wasn’t positioned on the bed for sitting), I couldn’t shuffle myself up the bed, I couldn’t feel half of my right hand for three days, I had the catheter in, I had to use a bedpan, etc. It was rough. And to be honest the only thing I could do was have the tv on for some background noise, and try to lose time so it went faster. It ended – of course – but prepare yourself for the vulnerability you will feel.
A bit of TMI: I finally stopped taking my antibiotics and slow-release painkillers this week. A couple days later I was in a fair amount of discomfort and spent a fair amount of time on the loo. I wasn’t feeling constipated (things were still moving along, if you catch my drift), and mum confirmed this wasn’t the case, it was just that my digestive tract had been slowed down significantly by the medication. If I’d been on it for another week, it might have been a different story. As it was though, once I came off the medication – my system decided it was ‘out with the old, in with the new’ time. Pleasant.
Sleep is getting better. For some strange reason I sleep really well in hospitals. I started having issues when I left though. I sleep on my side generally, and when your arm has to be in a certain position, it gets awkward to sleep pretty quickly. I’m currently doing a little half-side sleep, where I roll over about 45 degrees. If nothing else, lying like that gets me to sleep – tiredness does the rest.
Movement
I have almost complete range of movement back through my whole body. Yesterday I actually managed to squat down properly without doing a weird sideways lean at the same time. The key to getting this back quickly is to do new movements – slowly. You’ll be very aware when you’re moving in a way you haven’t for a while.
Arm
The arm is doing alright. I saw Scott Ingram and the Occupational Therapist yesterday, and I’ll write a separate blog on that once I’ve done this one. There is no pain (although it does get uncomfortable for a while after people play with it), and it’s healing well. Hopefully it will continue down this vein. I still have restricted movement of my thumb and fingers because of the splint they have me in; but hopefully I’ll move to a wrist splint soon. I have pressure sensation back in the arm, but fine touch sensation is still coming back. Essentially, I can feel when I run my fingers over the bandage – but I couldn’t feel when they were touching the skin with tweezers yesterday.
Phallus
Going really well. Swelling has almost completely gone down, and there is no pain. I did feel the slightest twitch of sensation right at the bottom left of the base, but I’m not going to start that battle until I’m a bit further along in my healing. I still have the underneath support holding the phallus at 45 degrees, but the little loin-cloth thing I had over the top is gone. I’m hoping the support can come off on Monday when I see Hans.
Underwear is weird!! I’m assuming this is in part because of the support, but it feels strange to be fuller in that area. I’m sure I’ll get used to it pretty quickly!
Size and girth-wise, I’m happy. I’m not getting wrapped around the axles about it though. There are so many factors that could change dimensions that there’s no point in being too happy or sad about it this early on. I am taking measurements though, so we’ll see where we’re at in a year. Something to keep in mind is that Hans works with a shape template rather than a size. Although I’m sure you could request a size, he generally works with what will work in proportion to the rest of your body. Whether that’s the same for ALT, I don’t know. But it’s certainly the case for RFF.
I’m not flushing the phallus through. This was a surprise to me, as I thought it was standard practice. That being said, I only know one other person who has had the surgery in Australia – so I didn’t have much to go on – and he didn’t flush either. Hans says there’s no requirement to. I’ll ask him some more questions about it when I see him Monday.
Groin
I can see this segment not being here too long. My incisions from where they took nerves from appear to be healing nicely. I say “appear” because they still have the original dressings on. They’re to be left on until they come off themselves; so I just trim them daily (so I feel like I’m getting rid of them).
There is a slight bit of pain in this area whenever I cough or sneeze, and when I get up out of bed. Hans mentioned in hospital that I’d be sore from where they moved muscles around. I would assume this is still the same thing, because it is getting better – it’s just taking its time.
Bum
This is slightly difficult because I can’t see the incisions. I have tape placed over them to aid in keeping the scarring minimal. They’re looking ok from what I can see though.
Sitting has been a task over the last couple of weeks. Every day I try to sit a bit lower in some way, to get the skin used to moving that way. One of the biggest things has been going to the loo. In hospital you have an extra two inches of toilet seat height – which you get used to quite quickly. Then you come home and sit on a normal toilet and it’s like you completed leg day at the gym using only your bum muscles! This is getting easier though – just take it slow.
I’m finding that most of my discomfort from the whole surgery is from my bum incisions. I can sit for hours on the couch without issue, but put me in a chair without much padding, and the most it’s comfortable for is about 10 minutes. Standing is a great alternative, and people will understand if they know the surgery you’ve had.
Anyway I think that’s it for this week. I’ll get onto the post for my appointment yesterday.
My Transition FtM 